presence

Where our presence loves better than words…

A few years ago, I sat in rocking chairs on an old wooden deck with a group of high school guys. Then Tyler began to talk about his mom and her battle with cancer. And how, like Sherman’s campaign through Georgia, it had marched through his family’s life; scorched the earth, broke it to pieces, and left the remains on the ground. They’ve been picking those pieces up ever since.

One of Tyler’s close friends, Justin, leaned forward, “Are you serious? Man, I had no idea. Why haven’t you said anything? I’m really sorry.”

Tyler replied, “I don’t know. I didn’t want to bother anyone with all this stuff. Everyone has enough shit going on in their life without having to worry about my problems. And it’s hard to talk about.”

Then Tyler collapsed into his hands sobbing uncontrollably. We surrounded him in his pain and wrapped him tightly into our presence. No one said anything for nearly forty-five minutes. We just stood there. And I could tell that we were, in our own silence, praying for Tyler; praying that God would comfort him and make him clearly aware of His presence and embrace.

In these types of moments there is nothing to be said—and nothing should be said.  It is here where presence speaks louder than words; where presence declares that a person is loved.

And I’m glad nobody said anything.

Usually in these instances we feel the pressure to say something; to fix it—to make it better—to give some advice.

Yet, I am wondering more and more if any words that could possibly be spoken could ever be more powerful than the presence of someone who is willing to simply sit in silence with another person—to simply be there.  To be with another person in the pain or struggle could possibly be the greatest gesture of love that one could possibly give.

 It was then that I concluded that a silent presence and being with those we minister to is often louder than anything we can ever say.  Christianity can be so wordy these days. There is too much talk. Most everything in Christianity revolves around someone talking.  There is too much talking in Christianity and not enough listening, not enough simple acts of presence.

“Now Job’s three friends heard of all this trouble that had come upon him, they came each from his own place.  They met together to go and show him sympathy and comfort him.  When they saw him from a distance, they could hardly recognize him; they began to weep aloud, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads.  Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights.  No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was.” (Job 2:11-13)